I come from a big family and I have always wanted to be a mother and have children of my own. At 36 I found myself still single, and desperate for a family. Over the years, I have tried everything to meet someone, but haven’t had much luck. I was kind of okay with being single, but I knew I would be heartbroken if I went through life and couldn’t be a mother.
I decided to talk to a fertility expert to find out what my options were. The notebook I took with me to that appointment for writing down notes, is still today, completely covered in tears. I just wanted to be a mother so badly.
When I met with the Donor Coordinator at Repromed, it just felt so right. She talked me through the options and I felt really excited about the idea of having a sperm donation to allow me to have children. After a lot of thought and soul searching, I decided to go on a waiting list, and was told it can take 12-18 months for sperm donations to come in. I got on with my life and kept dating trying to find a life partner. It did feel good to know that if I didn’t, I at least had that option in the background.
Months later, I got a phone call from an unknown number. I was at home, hanging out in the lounge, and it was the Donor Coordinator on the phone. She told me I was at the top of the donor list! I was completely blown away and really excited. Someone had said to me earlier, that when I got the call I would know if I really wanted this by the way I reacted on the phone. And it’s true, I knew.
I’m a professional working woman, and I know that being a single mum is a massive undertaking. I didn’t make this decision lightly and honestly, I wouldn’t have ever taken this opportunity if I didn’t have the amazing support and excitement from my parents and my friends.
When it came time to choose my donor, there were five donor options. There was quite a bit of information about each of the donors such as; their age, whether they have children already, what they look like, likes and dislikes, things they did at school, their education, what they are doing now, why they chose to donate and whether they were willing to be contacted in the future, plus information about their siblings and parents.
I chose a donor who looked right for me and was willing to be contacted in the future which was important to me. I had a number of IUI treatments but wasn’t getting pregnant which was so frustrating.
I saw my Fertility Doctor for every appointment and she was supportive while I dealt with each disappointment. I felt like I was out of control of what I was trying to achieve. It felt like no matter what I tried or did nothing worked, it was just so deflating. Because I was feeling really helpless I had also started speaking to Lani, one of Repromed’s Counsellors, every couple of weeks which was good to help me process my thoughts. She helped legitimise my feelings.
Attempt number six resulted in a positive pregnancy result (amazing!) but miscarried early. I just felt so devastated. Over the next few weeks my mood picked up a little because I’d had an actual pregnancy result I started to feel positive about it. Maybe it would work!
I tried to get pregnant again straight away this was my seventh attempt and again it didn’t work. I just didn’t know what to do. I remember going on a massive walk along the beach to give me time to think. I followed the coast across town and back again and spent hours thinking and processing what I really wanted. Did I want to go through all of the heartache again and again? I just really wanted to be a mother.
I went back and saw my Fertility Doctor to discuss my options. I couldn’t get funding for IVF as a single woman (until I had 12 rounds of IUI). It was physically demanding, and exhausting, and I didn’t think I could go on much longer so I said to my Fertility Doctor at this appointment, “Let’s not think about money for a moment, what would you suggest”. She replied that if money wasn’t a factor, she would recommend doing IVF.
So that was it. I decided to go for it and learnt that I was actually a good saver in the process of getting the funds together for it! I spent the next three months getting fit and healthy and just having fun after the past year trying to get pregnant. I started hormones injections and then had my egg collection which resulted in four healthy eggs. I had a successful embryo transferred on day 3 and also two healthy embryos frozen.
Eleven days after the transfer I had a blood test, and then a phone call to say I was pregnant, it had worked! I couldn’t quite believe it! I was in my office when Ella (the Repromed Nurse) rang, and I had to quickly go outside and hide around the corner to process the news, I couldn’t tell anybody about it.
My family has been so amazing, the whole way through. My siblings both have kids and it’s so great that my child will have cousins to connect with, my siblings were really excited about it too. My brothers are really sweet, they are always calling to check up on me. In my friend circles, only my very closest friends know and they are really excited for me.
I’m really glad that my child would get the opportunity know their biological Father, the donor. The donor I selected said he would love to have contact and would love his own child to have the opportunity to know his siblings. That was really important to me as I want my child to know they are very much a conscious choice.
This is obviously not the way I ever thought my life would go. I have always wanted to get married and have babies but it just hasn’t worked out that way. But I feel very lucky to be pregnant now, as difficult a journey as it was.
Repromed have been supportive of me the whole way through, I have never once felt judged because of my choice to do this by myself. And I genuinely don’t regret going through all of the failed treatments, as it’s been part of the journey to get to where I am now and helped me to know deep in my heart that this is what I wanted.
At Repromed we provide highly personalised care for all. Based in Auckland, both public and private treatment are available. If you’re a new client, we offer a free 15 minute phone consultation with a fertility doctor. Take the first step today.
Individual results may vary dependent on your personal circumstances. With thanks to our generous client for sharing their personal story.