There are plenty of important things to think about when considering IVF treatment, but there’s one question that might be on your mind at this time: if successful, how can you talk to your future child about IVF?
Why it’s important to talk about IVF
Discussing your child’s IVF story openly creates an important foundation of transparency and trust. Because children are naturally curious, they will likely have questions about where they came from. Talking about these questions early can prevent feelings of confusion and can help your child feel more secure and valued within your whānau.
Emphasising that IVF is part of what made it possible for them to be here allows children to appreciate their own unique story. This can boost self-esteem, helping them to understand that everyone is different and that diversity is something to be celebrated.
When should you talk to your child about IVF?
The earlier you start talking to your child about their conception, the more straightforward and stress-free it can be. It’s all about getting the timing and the language right.
When they’re very young, your explanation can be as simple as saying, “A doctor helped us create a tiny seed, and that’s how you began.” Once they get a bit older, you can introduce more detailed information that’s appropriate for their age and maturity level.
It’s important to revisit the topic on a regular basis as your child grows. This is because the story of their conception will develop over time in their minds, and they’ll likely have questions as they start to understand more of how they came to be.
Expect all emotions
Children’s reactions can vary depending on their personality and age. It’s important to let your tamariki lead the way and set the pace for what they’re ready to hear and when.
Whatever feelings they express, make sure they understand that it’s okay to feel however they do about their origin story. Let them know that you’re always there for any questions they might have if they’d like to talk more about it.
Resources and support that can help
The good news is that there are plenty of fantastic resources out there that can help you explain IVF to your child. Children’s books are great at explaining tough concepts in a way that’s fun and easy to understand, and they provide a strong visual aid for you and your child.
For those who have already conceived children with IVF, here are some books and resources we recommend:
- The Pea That Was Me. An IVF Story by Kimberly Kluger-Bell
- Robo Babies, Love Builds A Family by Sarah Gallagher
- What Makes a Baby by Corey Silverberg
If you’ve conceived with the help of a donor or surrogate, the conception conversation can be a little more delicate. There are many resources available that can help you, or you can ask your counsellor for suggestions.
You’re absolutely not alone when it comes to considering how IVF may impact your future family. There are plenty of wonderful support groups and communities around Aotearoa for families who have undergone IVF. Fertility NZ offers support and resources that may be of help too.
Our clinic is here to support you throughout your journey. Our experienced and empathic counsellors are happy to help, and at least one counselling session is included in each IVF cycle at Repromed. If you have any queries, simply get in touch with us.